It’s Not Up to You© by Holly Younghans (Aug 2022)

We can tell God everything; he knows it all anyway. But it is not always wise to tell everything to people, sadly and especially, people in the church. This is for all those who have been shunned by the church, or outwardly or tacitly judged by people in the church, because of what you once did, how you once lived, the choices you once made, but from which you have repented and been made right with God. This is for those who try to make a new start only to find that other believers can be hard to make friends with. Our pasts can be messy. Mine certainly is. People can be overtly and obliquely cruel in their attempts to avoid the mess. This is for me, this is for Beth… and all those like us who have felt this same pain.

What I’ve done… it shouldn’t matter

About my past… you shouldn’t care

But those in “the church” fail not to judge

Offering gossip couched as prayer

If GOD has forgiven and set me free

If HE no longer remembers my sin

Who are YOU to decide my value and worth

Adding your voice to the chorus within?

The chorus that says, “You’re not good enough,

Nothing can erase what you’ve done.”

The voices that cry, “You’ll never be clean,

You carry a guilt that can’t be undone.”

But these are lies from the devil straight out of hell

A message of perpetual shame

For Jesus declared, “it is finished, for good”

No longer do I carry the blame

It is finished. It’s done. No more blood to be shed.

YOU don’t get to decide my worth.

For Jesus himself has wiped it away

You can’t take away my new birth

It is mine, it’s his gift, paid in full with his life

YOUR approval’s not part of the plan

My past is removed as far as east is from west

I wonder that you don’t understand

That the church is a hospital, not a hotel

I suspect you’ve a past of your own

Or perhaps it’s your present and you’re fooling us all

Publicly condemning what you privately condone?

But “It’s finished, it’s done,” said Jesus, my Lord

And the church gets no vote on my past

It’s over, it’s done, wiped in blood and in tears

I’m HIS child is the truth to which I hold fast

You may get to decide if I’m “good enough”

To fit in to your sanitized view

Perhaps you’ve lost sight of who Jesus hung out with

How he loved in spirit AND truth

It’s over. It’s done. Cleansed in blood, sweat, and tears.

What other sacrifice needs to be made?

I’ve repented, been forgiven, and am loved by my Lord

YOU don’t decide if I’m saved.

So, I’ll trust him to unite me with someone,

Someone who’s walked the same road

Someone who’s learned that her past can bring good

To others, like me, who’ve come home.

Shalom.

Father, I pray for Beth, and for all those like us, who have a messy past. We are not alone, though You know we feel this way. Silence the voices, in our heads and in the world, that contradict what you’ve said is true. Help us to remember and hold on to the truth of who and Whose we are. Help us to give grace to those who have not yet learned to love from a place of humility. We are, all of us, broken and in need of a Savior. Connect us to those who understand this from deep within and are seeking like-minded souls with whom to make this journey through life. You made us for community. Help us find it. And when we meet someone who has a messy past like us, whisper and remind us to love them the way you love us. Maybe WE are the one THEY are looking for. Amen.